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Advertising Methods

here’s a hand full of different ways you can use the nearest proletariat to get your company’s name out into the world!

This isn’t about how the general idea of advertising is not boss because advertising can be a very important part of making a business successful and it holds a lot of potential which is why I’m always surprised to see the awful ways some people go about it. There are some great examples of creative advertising like this and that, but it seems like some companies don’t even try and the worst is when regular people have to be thrown into the mix like when you rent some segway and there’s a fat ad for tampons on the front of it. Although I suppose it’s a fitting punishment for renting a segway in the first place, but you know what I’m saying. In some instances I suppose you could argue that you’re making jobs for people and how important that is, but does it really have to be like this?

Bitch Slap

Having seen only the trailer for this movie I can safely say, “is this a goddamn joke?”

If anyone’s actually made the grave mistake of shitting through this entire movie maybe you can confirm or deny. But really no one can have seen this preview and then gone “this looks like a good movie that I want to see.” Ok ok, I’ll concede that the lead actresses are total Baberham Lincolns but somehow that’s not even tempting. Maybe the thought of slowly replacing my brain with poop for two hours is more powerful then catching a couple glimpses of some pretty girls.



The space could be used MUCH better

Reading up on this, I found that there’s a heap of kids that have the same view. The only reason that people seem to want to keep or use cemeteries is because of religious reasons or the need for a visual end to provide some sort of emotional closure. Both of those reasons are just in your head anyway. The fact is: that person is long gone and they’re not going to be be any more or less important to you if you spend thousands of dollars putting them in a hole or if their body goes to science or even just spreading their ashes somewhere neat.

The space could be used for a park, or trails, or a school. Those are just three things that tons of people get use out of all the time! I’ve never gone by a cemetary and thought, ‘damn, that place is busy’ they’re usually empty with maybe a drifter wandering through not really going to any use at all. That drifter wouldn’t be so lonely if he had people around him biking through trails or drinking on the big toy.

The money spent on putting some kids in the dirt could be spent on tuition or food. Save the dough for your damn kid who’s alive with potential and probably likes to hit up the park every so often and go to school.

It looks as though that some cemeteries are maintained by funds collectied via a cemetery taxing district where a portion of a resident’s property tax goes towards the cemetery if they’re within the proximity…… lame.

I actually can’t really think of a practical reason for a cemetery.

peep these links on how expensive dirt pods are and learn that there is no design in the afterlife. Then a story about how a school and turtles are frustrating Provincetown Cemetery


99 designs

Producing design feces since 2006

I suppose it’s a good idea in some sort of respect, but it’s essentially a landfill of gradients. is a place where people who need something designed can set up a contest and have people submit designs in hopes to win prize money. The amount of the prize money is set by the contest holder and the contest is also judged by the contest holder. That’s where things get dicked in the face. You have people who don’t know anything about design judging design. At the same time, said ‘prize money’ is so low that the people making submissions don’t know anything about design. So somebody wins and now there’s a shit logo floating around in the world somewhere. I will admit that I have seen some good things in there and I will also admit that I have made submissions a few times. I just don’t get how these contest holders can look at what’s being submitted to them and not think, “fuck. why don’t I just save myself $200 and make my own logo”

These are some winning logos (that last one hasn’t won yet, but it’s the highest rated in it’s contest). And it’s not just logos being designed. If , for some reason, you’re dying for more; peep the link



what a waste of time

Word on the street is that people spend one third of their life catchin Z’s. Although I’m more inclined to believe that it’s more like a quarter of one’s life is spent in an effort to get more done, but whatever.

Don’t get me wrong. I love the feeling of waking up and realizing you still have an hour to rest before you truly need to get up. The problem is that 25%-33% of your day spent doing nothing is such a waste of time. Imagine how much you could get done if you didn’t have to go to sleep! I can’t get over the idea that so many great things would get accomplished in the world if people weren’t tethered to their body’s need for Z’s. It’d be like a MILLION things! So perhaps a lot of those things might be bad things: “Now that I don’t have to sleep, I have more time to beat my girlfriend.” At the same time though, imagine how many beautiful things could be going on: “Now that I don’t have to sleep, I have more time to eat out my girlfriend….. or make a painting or do something amazing.” The possibilities are essentially endless

What’s Next

I’m totally cool with the idea of voicing your opinions and expressing your thoughts, but not like this.It’s not that I think he’s wrong or right, it’s just the avenue which he’s making known his opinion. This kid is just shouting and shouting and it’s not even positive shouting. It’s not like, “Huspaz! I like being alive and chocolate chip cookies!” He’s just complaining about shit, which I suppose is boarder-line what ‘not boss’ is, but this kid’s just straight up negative city. Nonstop fast talk bitching doesn’t make me want to stop and listen, but perhaps I’m simply not in his demographic.

I submit that someone make a-.. wait… fuck it. I’ll just make a positive ‘What’s Next’ myself

and if you’re dying to see more by this kid you can hit his youtube page where you’ll learn he’s also on the radio


Human Respiratory System

So I’m riding my bike up a hill, huffin & puffin. Then I think: ‘this respiratory system of mine is fucked and it’s holding me back.’

Every time I breath out, it’s just going right in front of me which is where about about to be. If I’m going slow enough (like a fatigued speed up a hill), I become convinced that most of what I’m breathing in is what I just breathed out. I purposed that we have a one way system with an IN hole and an OUT hole…. but it looks like birds have a good thing going on.

Birds have one of the most efficient air sack workings. Why shouldn’t they? They’ve evolved to be able to maintain flight over long distances at high altitudes where there is very little oxygen.


Missing Fonts

I know a few of you hear me on this

Working between two computers has it’s dope and not-dope attributes. One dope thing is that I don’t have to worry about carrying my damn computer around with me. One not dope thing is that they don’t necessarily have the same fonts installed.

In my magazine design class, a full size folding dummie was due and was to be presented. “here’s what I’m doing, and this is how it fits into the demographic and balbhablha…” So when I show up to class to print mine off on the day it’s due (like a normal person) you can imagine the look on my face when that little window popped up saying, “oh hey, man. all your shit’s missing and everything looks different. peace.” luckily it’s only supposed to be a draft and luckily it’s only for a class. To tell the truth a felt somewhat dumb due to already knowing a way around this from happening.

In Adobe Indesign there’s a function called package, which takes all your shit (indes file, used fonts, links, and probably some fourth thing I’ll never see) and throws it into a nice neat folder. That way anywhere your file goes, the fonts go with it.


Bar Time

When you walk through bar doors, somehow you’ve moved a couple hundred miles east and it’s 15minutes later. What the fuck?

It’s really not that big a deal when you already know about it and have acclimated your schedule accordingly, but if you don’t know, and you show up at 8pm for the advertised “$2 dollar pitchers from 8-9pm!” and you come to find that you’ve actually missed 25% of the magic hour you’ve been so looking forward to because you’re poor. Fear not, for I have formulated a formula which should make it really really easy for you to work with bar time and not be caught off guard by the chronometric shift

x + 15 = bar time

where the variable ‘x’ is the current time


Student Loans

I can go to prison with room and board for four years free of charge but I have to pay on average $28,080 for four years of tuition alone at a public college.

Is this an inherent side effect of capitalism? Is there a benefit to attaching enormous setbacks to getting a higher education? Why would we want to prevent the poor from becoming educated? Well anyway, I’m headed to prison, see you in a few.

(Average tuition cost source: College Board’s Trends in College Pricing 2009.)