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Perhaps We’ve Made An Error…

Perhaps we’ve made an error leaving you guys for so long. If you thought we were dead: you can go die because we’re so very ALIVE!! (and so damn busy)

Actually, Selena hasn’t really been a part of BossnotBoss for a while, so it’s mostly that I’ve been so damn busy :/

As some of you may know, I’m currently a designer / developer for Xbox One apps at Microsoft and with the Xbox launching soon, everyone’s super busy all the time non-stop. On top of that I’ve also been freelancing like a mad man. But you may rest easy, I’m coming back to you.

What about our instagram? Well that’s dead and we’re no longer updating it. You can still follow Selena and I though. I mostly post pics of projects I’m working on (@christopherlmartin) and Selena mostly posts pics of her cat (@selenagoodwin), so whatever you’re into I guess.

Well I have a lot of posting to catch up on, but I wanted to let you know what was up :) See you kids soon!

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Dead Island Bonus Torso

Dead Island Riptide is a game, from Deep Silver, where you’re on a tropical island that’s been over run w zombies. They have a ‘Zombie Bait’ edition coming out and the UK and Australia offices of Deep Silver decided to include (along with a few other goodies) a goddamn flat-back torso! Actually it’s a 12″, hand-painted, gored up, well chested torso.

Don’t get me wrong—I’m all for having a gnawed up bit of torso on my desk, and I’m also quite partial to breasts finding quarter on my desk, but what Deep Silver (UK & Aus) has going on just has no taste. To me, it’s on the level of a beer advert; people love big ol’ titties, and our product is in the zombie genre so…

It’s supposed to be a “grotesque take on an iconic Roman marble torso sculpture”, but that goal misses the mark. It would’ve been more on target if it were painted to a marble texture and maybe if the game was set in Rome, but it isn’t. The US gets the Rigor Mortis Edition which will come with a hula girl bobble figurine (as well as other goodies)—much more appropriate for the game and also just awesome in it’s subtlety :)

Anyway, my REAL issue with all this is: how did this happen?!?!? My first thought was “how did not one single person stand up and say ‘This is stupid guys!’?”, but I’ve been an in-house designer for a few places (and started enough arguments) and it’s shed some light on how awful awful dreadful awful design makes it’s way into the world—You’ll present your design and talk about why it’s boss and users will dig it, but the higher-up, who knows nothing about design, wants you to change it for reasons based on his/her personal taste (not this this is ALWAYS the case, but…)—and I can only ‘make an ass out of u and me’ that there’s a similar thing going on in other fields. I would be surprised to learn that concerns weren’t expressed, but there’s some dude who’s just starting to get a little too old for the game who says “No, dude; the kids are gonna love it. Who doesn’t love big ol’ titties in a teenie weenie bikini and blood splatter?”. Although it’s possible that maybe nobody stood up and their staff just has no taste whatsoever and all go home to listen to Fun or Gotye.

Deep Silver has since apologized for including a bloody, well-chested, flat-back torso.

Don’t be afraid to be the one to stand up and say you think something awful is happening where you work (no matter how small)! Also back up your claim with solid reasoning or thought out alternatives. And be open to someone telling you that you’re doing something awful. Dumb shit happens all the time wether someone else is doing it or you are. Just be aware, and learn.

PS:: I just gotta vent :: I hate breasts in (some) videogames. All I can think is “have you ever seen real bare breasts in the same room as you?” Game boobies can just tend to look so cartoonish and unnatural, which is maybe the only sort of boobies these devs know.

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NASA 1970s Space Colony Artwork

I caught wind of this collection of slick artwork for potential space colonies and some of these are just blowing my mind. These pictures show views of three different colony designs respectively: Toroidal Colonies (pop: 10,000), Cylindrical Colonies(pop: 1,000,000+), and Bernal Spheres(pop: 10,000) (pictured respectively).

If we actually managed to put ourselves in an orbiting terrarium with G-force gravity and faux atmospher, I’d be curious to see how we’d evolve to better adapt (if we were even there long enough to have a notable evolution like if we ruined Earth’s atmosphere and were stuck in our orbiting zoo exhibit). Would there be weather (there’re clouds in one of the cylindrical colony renders)? Rain for crops? Would we need crops or would we have just-add-water pills? I like the notion that we’d really need to make the most of what we got, so we’d all have to recycle like a mother fucker, but what other aspects of our living standards would have to change?

These environments look like a perfect holiday getaway, but perfect is always so boring. Would NASA think to implement a desert wasteland for post-Earth maraders to reign? Oceans that release random gas pockets to kindly swallow ships down to a velvet black solitude? What about war? Gun control? It would be hard enough to protect us from all the radiation and flying* junk outside, but what about protecting us from the people inside?

These colonies are for expanding and not to be like Earth life boats, but at some point we’ll have to leave our planet because war that some asshole started because he couldn’t get into art school has ruined it, or we’ve used up resources, or the sun’s gotten too damn big, or another one of many events has occurred (assuming we survive to any of these points).  So would you consider starting a new life on one of these?

*I know things don’t ‘fly’ in space, but you know what I mean :) “No snow on the space colony? Dat don’t fly wit me. Maybe on Earth, but out ‘ere in space? dat just don’t fly.”

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Suck On These Eggs

Yesterday was Easter and Selena had the genius idea to make the most BOSSEST eggs in all the land. A batch of eggs that bring tears to lords and lifts the skirts of fine maidens.

You wrap the eggs w a 100% silk tie and boil ‘em for a while. Then you unwrap ‘em and show ‘em off. That’s the BnB recipe, but our good friend, Martha Stewart, has a more detailed recipe if that wasn’t enough. We just hit up Value Village for ties and a dirty old bedsheet to wrap around the tie that’s wrapped around the egg.

We couldn’t believe the detail that was actually able to transfer to the egg; you can see the threads! Since what we were doing was so dope, we had to make 21 of the damn things. Here’s some pics of our favorites…….

ps :: You can see more pics on our facebook :)

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9-Eyes

Car fires, animals, hookers with big butts, costume gangs, vehicular homicides, coastal scenery, & homeless forts all captured by the Google Street View camera.

9-Eyes is a tumbler blog by Jon Rafman of unique moments captured by the Google team. It’s captivating, eerie, & hilarious. You will definitely spend some time on this page.

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The Hunger Games Made Me Upset

About a month ago I ordered the complete trilogy of The Hunger Games, by Suzanne Collins. Usually, when I hear a bunch of reviews from my friends about a movie or a book, it’s going to be pretty good. I trust them. They are smart, cool, honest people. I mean, it wasn’t just my friends, this trilogy seemed to be causing quite a stir in the literature world. The New Yorker claiming, “The books tend to end in cliff-hangers that provoke their readers to post half-mocking protestations of agony on Internet discussion boards.” Seattle PI, “Once I started reading it, I could not put it down.” Times, “Collins writes with raw power.” Pretty amazing reviews on-top of being on the New York Times best-seller list. So I start reading…

I stop reading. Is it just me? Or is this possibly the worst book I have ever read? I start asking around. Everyone seems surprised, shocked, and even offended that I have literally nothing good to say about this book. Now, you are probably thinking, well how can you judge when you didn’t even read them. I DID read them. All 3 books. ALL TERRIBLE. I felt so guilty about spending $40 on this nice set of books to just throw them in the garbage after 1 chapter. I kept reading. I was begging the story to get better after half-way through book 1. It just went on and on. Bad writing, weak story, embarrassing line after embarrassing line.

Ok, so some clarity. This book is about a young girl living in a sort of Communist society after the world has “ended” (everything is very vaguely described, and not vague in an intriguing sort of way). The main idea of the story is very reminiscent of a fantastic novel called Battle Royale. A bunch of kids forced by the government to fight each other in an arena for the entertainment and control of the government. There is somewhat a “love story” sprinkled throughout awkwardly and the amount of dialogue in the entire trilogy could probably fill a small teacup. Every time Collins is about to go into dialogue from some characters, she instead launches into an inner monologue by the main character Katniss, describing how the conversation went. The writing is extremely un-clever and boring. It’s really unclear as to who these books are written for since there is quite a bit of badly described gore and violence, but NO SEX. Only kissing. Really boring kissing. Like, really, really dull, dry kissing.

Also, book 1 and book 2 are EXACTLY THE SAME. Literally, Collins had so little imagination that she wrote the same book TWICE. They have the exact same story line. There is no build up, only let downs. So this is just a warning to you out there who feel the need to read this book because everyone’s doing it. No need. Just watch the movie they are making with Lenny Kravitz and Woody Harrelson coming out in a month. It looks so good. NOT. But here’s the trailer if you’re interested: www.thehungergamesmovie.com

BnB’s Wish List: Teleporters like in Portal

This has been on my wish list ever since my father sat me down and taught me how to play DOOM. And now, as a man, I believe, with a genuine childish optimism, that I will live to teleport in this reality (unless it turns out that a sort of parallel reality is required).

The term, teleporting, has been around since Charles Fort coined the term in his 1931 book, Lo!, but I have to believe that the idea of teleporting has been around a lot longer in the minds of the wonderers, dreamers, and lazy lazy fat people.

In 1993 it was discovered that quantum teleportation is totally possible so long as the original object being teleported doesn’t mind being completely destroyed, which implies that what comes out the other side is a replica, like how a fax machine works, which weirds me out. And since then some goobers have successfully teleported a photon(1 meter) and a laser beam (0.5 meters).

There’s plenty of babble that leans towards the idea that the laws of physics might make human teleporting impossible, but I can already tell you that it is because I know that I won’t die until I’ve teleported. Thinking of this I often wonder how a teleporter would be designed. Would their be a platform (DOOM style), or magic spells (Harry Potter style), or will it simply be something you can do with some high gravity training (Dragon Ball Z style). I prefer the Portal style, but I don’t like that you have to set your entrance and exit to somewhere within your line of sight. I don’t want to walk until I can see the grocery store before I can shoot my exit over there, I’d just get a grappling hook or some sort of spider man set up if that’s what I wanted.

I think you should be able to set your own entrance and punch in a code for an exit you want, similar to how a phone works, but instead of voice, it’s human :). Plus you could just have a community fridge space where people could just teleport to their cloud storage fridge and not have to have that damned ugly box in their flat (sorry, I just think all fridges are ugly. I’ve never thought “that’s a sexy fridge”).

 

Honda’s Million Mile Joe

I know what you’re all saying: “This man’s a hero!” Right? Because they threw him his own parade and they gave him a new car, he must be some kind of hero? Like, he probably gave a hundred sick children blankets or saved an old woman from a burning building? Well, I’m sorry, but you’re totally wrong. Million Mile Joe actually got all of this hype for driving a shitty car around for a really long time. Disappointment? Disgust? Anger? Yes, these are all feelings you are probably having right now and all I can tell you is… there is no more hope.

After watching this video, I really thought it was a joke. I love the line that Joe says in the beginning, “I didn’t get the reaction or excitement I was hoping for…” WHAT WERE YOU HOPING FOR?? Oh Joe. Some of you might be feeling the opposite of me, and I understand. People LOVE local “success” stories. They eat that shit UP. What I am upset about is the fact that a whole town and company put on this huge expensive event for something so extremely silly and trivial. I was seriously waiting for them to say something like, “He drove a million miles and he only has one leg!” or, “Wow he went all that way while driving food to homeless shelters across the country!” But no. The video ends with Joe getting a new car, his wife almost in tears saying how proud she is, and Miss Maine giving him a huge key. WHAT THE HELL PEOPLE?

Khan Academy

Education is one of the most important things on the planet, if it’s books smarts or street smarts, you can’t know too much. The more you learn from books, videos, real life, or (my involuntary favorite) mistakes the better you’ll become (so long as you exercise what you know).

I read about Khan Academy while thumbing through a WIRED magazine. The article introduced a 5th grader who was doing calculus work…. and that he’d been using Khan Academy to get to that level.

Khan Academy is a not-for-profit site where you can find videos and tests to help aid your education. It’s like the damn matrix for free, but with more videos, but less wires going into the back of your skull.

Sal Khan wants Khan Academy to become the world’s first free, world class virtual school where anyone can learn anything–for free. Now there’s a host of people contributing their passion for education towards the growth of the academy.

I’m most pumped on all the math to be learned, but there’s a heap of other brain yummies and they’re always adding more :) They’re also looking for translations of the videos so do one and submit it. I did submitted the videos for Undetermined Coefficients 1-4 in Pig-Latin–I’ve yet to hear back.

So start your friday with some of these vids and finish it by learning from your mistake of using karaoke as an avenue for impressing others.

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The Times They Are a Changin’

In time, the blog aspect of the BossnotBoss will become secondary…

BossnotBoss has had several internal meetings about changing the way we do things around here. These meeting consist of Selena and me standing in opposite corners in the dark yelling ideas at eachother… Selena’s cat, Moose, is there sometimes too.

Anyway, we’ve decided to concentrate more effort into our Original content and less on posting about what other weirdos are running around and doing. This means more interviews, posters to buy, posters to win, and higher quality work.

But we love showing you kids cool shit we found, so there’s the pitter patter of new contributors on the horizon to not only help post, but also help with our totally awesome original works.

Hope y’all have a great weekend and we can’t wait to share more yum yums with you :)